Our anonymous reader describes the way out of an unhappy relationship with the love of her life.
It was a few years ago when I met my ex-boyfriend. It was like being in a romantic love movie. We were at a birthday party of a mutual friend, he came in to the door and it was love at first sight. In addition, he was incredibly funny. We quickly made an appointment. The first date at the cinema. The first kiss on the doorstep. It couldn’t have gone any better.
After the first three months, I realized that he was very self-centered. It was all about him, about his career, about his life path. Likewise, there was little interest among his family for the new girlfriend by his side. He never asked how I was. How things are going in my job. He didn’t own a car, because he didn’t need it to get to work. For all other errands, however, I was allowed to drive him. He never came to my house, because the journey was too far without a car. I was more flexible. If I didn’t come to him, he didn’t get in touch and we didn’t see each other.
It was always about him, about his life and career
I was considering further training to become a master. A time expenditure of about 1.5 years. He was totally against it. His argument was that I shouldn’t start anything new at 25. I’d better make some money and put it aside so we can start family planning soon. Then I would stay at home with the children and the further education would not be worthwhile at all. He would make enough money. I shouldn’t waste my time on this.
You’ll be thinking, “Why didn’t she just break up?” All this crept in little by little. I first looked for the mistakes with me. Was I too boring? Was the job less important to me than it was to him? Didn’t I do enough for him?
I told him for the first time after 10 months that I loved him. Actually, my wish was that he finally said it, but it never happened. That was probably my mistake too, I thought at the time. He only replied “Thank you. I love you too.” Of his own accord he never said anything more – and neither did I. Too big was the fear that I would get hurt again.
“Thank. I love you too.”
Our relationship was going on like this and I was preoccupied with the thought of breaking up. But I was afraid to stay alone in my mid-20s and not find anyone. I had considerable self-doubt. From his side came little proofs of love or deeds that showed me that I meant something to him. To this day, I don’t know why he didn’t just break up.
We were together for about two years, I was at a birthday party again. My girlfriend persuaded me to have a fun evening to distract me from my bad relationship and the thoughts that revolved around it. There I met a man again, whom I always found extremely attractive. I’ve known him since we were 17. From celebrations, mutual friends and short small talks. Until then, one of us had always been in a relationship, so more between us was never out of the question.
It was different that night. We talked, laughed, drank and found many things in common. My then boyfriend was forgotten, although I mentioned him to him anyway. I could only think of him for days. Now I had to seriously realize what I wanted. I was afraid of a breakup, of a new relationship anyway.
Despite my fear, I broke up
I took all my courage and broke up with my ex. He was untouched, unemotional. Said something like: He had already thought of that. I was so liberated, so happy and so carefree as I hadn’t been in a long time. A huge stone fell from my heart.
My new partner gives me sincere and honest love. We are equal and on an equal footing. We bought our own house this year. We are living our dream together and I couldn’t be happier. In the meantime, I was also able to do my further training as a master thanks to his support.
By the way, immediately after the breakup, my ex already had a new girlfriend: a work colleague. To my knowledge, they are still together today.
So our unhealthy relationship had a reason after all. Without her, I wouldn’t be where I am today. The experience has made me stronger than I was before. I know who I am and what I want.